Sunday, April 19, 2015

An Open Letter to Men.

Dear Men,
Last night I went out to celebrate a Hen's night. I wanted to have fun with my friends, consume a couple of beverages and dance the night away. So after dinner at a lovely wine bar we headed to the local Irish pub to bop our heads along to the band and dance with the 'bride to be'.
Not long after arriving a group of three men started approaching us. Their ploys to get our attention included pushing into our backs and shouting into our ears. As I was standing closest to this group I repeatedly had one man scream in my ears and I would simply ignore him, turn away and return my attention to my friends. 
Apparently, these men weren't happy to be ignored and instead one choose to grab my ass right there on the edge of the dance floor.
Now Men, listen carefully, THIS IS NOT OKAY!

It is NEVER okay to grab, or grope or touch a women you don't know or have consent from... Hell, it's never okay to do that to ANYONE (male or female)!
Grabbing my ass is not funny, it is not a joke for you and your mates, it will not make me turn around and start chatting to you.
It WILL however, see me promptly turn around and tell you to "f*** off and stop touching me".
And that's just what I did.
Then I turned back around... 
And they did it again!
Hey Men, if I tell you not to touch me and you do it again...that's ASSAULT!
And, yes, I will get the bouncer and have you kicked out of the pub.
For the first time in my life last night I felt unsafe in my own city. It took the bouncers 20 minutes to get those guys out of the pub and I was terrified of running into them again once I left. 
And so here we are and here are the things that I need you, the men of the world, to know...
To the men in the pub,
Keep your filthy hands to yourselves.
Humiliating young women is not entertainment... grow up!
To men in pubs in general,
Think about how you treat women in the workplace. If you grabbed a co-workers ass you could be up for Workplace Harassment, Sexual Harassment, Assault, a whole damn range of offences. Just because a woman is enjoying herself in a pub, club, bar or anywhere else in the world does not change the right for her to feel safe and to have full control over what happens to her body!
To the bouncers in the pub,
Thank you! Thank you for not questioning my complaint and taking it seriously. You could so easily have dismissed my problem but I truly appreciate the time you took to remove the men in question and that you came back to make sure I was okay afterwards. This is the type of kind behaviour I have always known from the men involved in my life.
To all men,
Want to woo a woman? A great place to start is a simple "hi" (said to their face not screamed into their ear from behind). If a girl ignores you, she's not playing hard to get... leave her alone. If she is keen, great... keep chatting, have a dance, get to know her, BUT respect her, her body and her choices. 
NO MEANS NO in every context and form it comes!
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Ashley Rizzardo said...

Amen! It seriously baffles me how some men still think that this is totally acceptable and funny behavior. It can really ruin what was supposed to be a great night! Hopefully the message got through to these guys.

Sunday Brunch

Caitlin @ Candyfloss & Persie said...

ugh, the worst!!! I'm glad you had the guts to stand up for yourself. That's total bullcrap and really sucks. I hate when they're aggressive like that. Go you for taking care of it.

Karrine Beasley said...

The 'guy' in this incident was old enough to be my dad and certainly old enough to know better! It's disappointing when young guys act like this but I always assume they'll grow up and see sense, these guys proved otherwise :/

Erin Bender said...

Good on you! What is going through their heads?

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